Vanlife Ramblings and theories?

Life and love inspires us all, it changes and develops beyond our control. What is the meaning of life and why do we love? This week instead of reporting on my adventures we shall explore the humans I encountered and the feelings they evoked in myself as well as the feelings and emotions they were experiencing in their lives.

Why am I traveling? What made me make such a dramatic change in my lifestyle to pursue this exploration of the planet and myself? I’m a lost soul, but what is a lost soul? So many people use that term in what I see as an incorrect way. Is being lost a negative connotation, or can it lead to a positive outcome?

Until recently I had regrets in life about things I did wrong. These are things I have no ability to change so I shall never concern myself with them. Those actions and events are in the past, let them remain there. Now I realize that my life unfolded in the exact way it was supposed to happen. Without the experiences I have had I never would have developed into who I am today. Am I a good person, a bad one, helpful, hurtful? It doesn’t matter, I am who I am, and you are who you are. This is the first step to progression, accept who you are. That doesn’t mean you can’t change, but you must truly desire to make the change for yourself, not for the benefit of others, but for yourself. My true regrets are things I didn’t do and the opportunities I didn’t pursue. This won’t happen again for me, wondering “What if…” is the largest portion of self doubt that will haunt us forever, forever.

This last week I have met several people that will influence me in my quest to find out who I am and why I am. Throughout my current existence I have met and interacted personally with so many thousands of individuals, heard their stories and felt their pains. Compared to most, my pain seems inconsequential but that does not make it any less significant.

Who are the people we meet and why do we meet them? We often pass by hundreds of different humans (most of them are human at least…) What makes that one special person stand out, is it a random chance or is some higher influence bringing us together? For example I met Jessica this week and the instant she opened her mouth to talk I knew there was some sort of connection beyond just someone selling me a new phone plan or the fact that she was a ginger. Where does this connection and attraction originate? Will it develop into any sort of future, who knows? She is just a random person in a random town that I visited so how is there really a connection there? We continue to text and laugh even though we know almost nothing about each other, what is that and why?

Another person I met and talked with was a homeless woman whom I don’t even remember a name and I couldn’t get away from her fast enough. As she babbled and babbled about her husband and how they have no money and blah blah blah, I still paid attention and listened. Why did I listen, why did I even start talking with her? I have no idea, but this is someone that is in my memory now and has become part of my story just as much as the meth head collecting cans or the junkie that watched me build a bookshelf this week. And then there was the hooker that just wandered over to the van from nowhere and wanted me to put her on my cell phone plan, and the edible plant guy that taught me about stinging nettles as I pet and played with his little Chihuahua puppy dog. Traveling in this van has really allowed me to meet and hear stories from completely random people I never expected to meet. I even met a guy from Hawaii who taught me about fishing from the ocean shore.

I’m now wondering if they are all just as lonely as I am sometimes. Is that why they just walk up and start talking or does this van lifestyle just invite friendlier people?

Let’s face it, lonely sucks, plain and simple but should we stay with someone we aren’t happy with just to avoid that feeling of unhappy solitude? Do we all need a partner? That’s a tough one and I haven’t figured that out myself. Personally I like to share joy with others. I often feel most alone when I see something majestic and have no one next to me to say “wow” to. Currently that’s why I write and share my photography. It’s the closest substitute I have for having another soul next to me. Yes that’s sad and yes it sucks but it’s what I have now so I accept what I have and I keep looking for what might be.

Everyone, everyone deserves to be happy. I can’t stress this enough. You need to do what is going to make YOU happy first and foremost. This is not selfish either because those around you know you’re not living to your full potential no matter if they tell you or not. For almost three years now I have lived this principle and it works. If I want another piece of pie, I have it because it brings me pleasure. I smile and say good morning to people because it makes me happy to give them a greeting and brighten their day. Even writing and babbling like this will bring me joy if it helps just one single person get out of their slump.

Am I still a lost soul, most definitely. I have no plan for the future, I have no prediction good or bad what may happen to me. The unknown is both joyous and frightening. My hopes and dreams are plentiful and I live each day with eyes open always searching.

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